Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Sex, Appeal and Self Acceptance

To find someone "sexy" is to find them appealing. This person leaves you wanting more -- one more glance, one more touch, one more thrust. You want conversations to last a little longer, your smiles to linger, your goodbyes to be postponed.

Popular culture tends to view "sexy" in very narrow terms. If you Google Image Search sexy woman or sexy man you'll see what I mean. A picture is worth a thousand words -- and these pictures show us that sexy women are skinny, white, sexually available, docile, "feminine" creatures. "Sexy men" on the other hand, are also white, but "masculine" -- big, muscled and sexually aggressive.

These qualities may be what mainstream media finds sexy -- but are they appealing to you? Perhaps they are (and that is totally okay). But I'd guess that most readers find a broader spectrum of attributes to be appealing. Even my male, heterosexual, non-feminist friends like women who voice opinions and showcase their personality. The alternative is just, well, boring. And it's my understanding that my friends who like men (myself included), like men who may or may not have muscles, but definitely have emotional intelligence.

The meaning of sexy has been depersonalized. It has been co-opted by corporations with something to sell. But what you find appealing is personal to you. Realizing and discussing this distinction can diminish the number of people who work tirelessly to attain impossible beauty standards. Virtually (if not all) personal attributes are appealing to someone. We need to encourage one another to just be yourself, and look for someone who finds you appealing. Confidence is appealing. Confidence is sexy. All aboard the just-get-busy-loving-yourself-and-appealing-things-will-come-your-way train! Choo! Choo!

1 comment:

  1. I am right there with you, sister.

    (Cliche alert! : We define our own reality.) Society may have defined, with my own participation even, an idea of 'sexy' that is unattainable for me and that I even find oppressive. However, fun, appealing and my own version of sexy relationships are still certainly possible. When I love myself and share that love with someone else in the form of conversation, dialogue, dancing, kissing, caressing- whoo I should stop ;) - both of us are happier and don't give a flying fuck about society's version of 'sexy' because we create our own. Ya digg?

    Does that make sense to anyone? Because it sure makes a hell of a lot of sense inside my own brain...